Butt-sniffers in high demand as Identity Theft rises

Ontario - Local Ontario'ans have discovered they can no longer trust each other with personal information. Credit cards, bank statements, and social security numbers are becoming increasingly at risk for identity theft.

As Identity Theft continues to rise by 40% every year maybe, nations around the globe are seeking new ways to identify who you really are. The answer to their query, says the Ladies Man, may be 'da butt.

"As far as law enforcement goes, we have few ways of identifying people other than numbers, photos, various cards, fingerprints, tax documents, dental records, and passports. We need something a lot more reliable. Something that people can't forget or lose. Something that's sown on," says Superman.

That something that people can't lose, may be their butt holes.

"Think about it, how do dogs do security checks? Easy! Just a quick whiff of the poop chute and they know who they're dealing with. What's the point of all these ID's and Carfax's and LoJacks that we have to carry around. It's time to find out who people really are," surmised Barack Obama.

The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has started its own dog training program similar to that of the DEA and FBI. Their dogs are being trained to identify whether or not the person has any other personal assets, unclaimed equity, or non-existent dependents.

The real challenge is for small shop keepers, banks, and those in Craigslist deals. How to be able to sniff your own customer to find out who they really are.

Former politician Paul Ryan has elected to lead the campaign to promote a new industry of Sniffers for the working class.

Whether or not this new identity theft prevention tactic works, either to improve security or to boost the economy, is yet to be seen. But what we can be sure about, is that all of the facts in this article are completely accurate. Go ahead. Take a whiff. I dare you.