ITC Renames the Trumpet

Disclaimer: This article is actual fake news, but that doesn't make it worse than your actual news.

Bad Sackingen, Germany - 'Trump' is a sure way to get whatever article you want read by the masses these days. If you do not understand this concept, please see the following excerpt from the script of the movie Private Parts starring Howard Stern, referencing Howard Stern's listener base in the late 70's:

Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes a day. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.

Kenny: How could this be?
Researcher: Answer most commonly given: "I want to see what he'll say next."
Kenny: : All right, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?
Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a day.
Kenny: : But... if they hate him, why do they listen?
Researcher: Most common answer: "I want to see what he'll say next."

Donnie Trumpet, in case Chance gets shortness of breathe

If you would like to see Paul Giamatti with hair, I encourage you to watch the clip on YouTube. This concept, which previously applied to a vulgar radio show host from the late-1970's, now applies to the executive of the largest economy on the planet Earth.

News outlets and television programs initially latched on to this quick fix for a ratings drought. Now, despite the tactic being more saturated than a doughnut in a hurricane, media are still using it to their advantage. However, one organization, the International Trumpet Guild (ITG), is making the proverbial push away from Trump shores.

"We understand that avoiding the name 'Trump' may give him more power - the Lord Voldemort theory - but we think 'brasset' is just a better name for the trumpet. And as musicians, the sound of things is important to us. Please associate us with brass and wind versus things with trump in the name." says Cathy Leach, President of the ITG, soon to be the IBG.

After all, the trumpet is made out of much more brass than trumps. The ITG is not sure if this official name change in the ITG's lexicon will change the culture of everyday people, but they believe it's one they are certainly jazzed up about.

This ahead of the 43rd annual International Trumpet Guild Conference from May 29 through June 2nd, 2018 will be wind for the horns to market themselves in new ways. Talk of changing the name Bad Sackingen, Germany, where the Euro-ITG chapter was formed, to something less cringing is sure to come up.