Dude Drunkenly Uses All Three of his Genie Wishes

ORONO, Maine - We have just received word of a man in Orono, Maine who has uncovered a real magic lamp in the woods surrounding the University of Maine campus. James Robertson, age 19, the lucky young man, has been presented with the usual magic lamp offer, which includes three wishes.

Sources tell us that almost immediately upon being told about his wishes, Robertson asked the genie if he could get him some beer, despite already being inebriated. The genie responded, "I can get you anything. I'm a damn genie." Robertson then used his first wish on a 30-wrack of Bud Light. The genie reminded him that he could get anything, but was rudely interrupted with - "Shut up and get me the 30, genie!"

Much to his chagrin, the genie obliged and retrieved a 30-wrack of Bud Light.

Robertson and his two friends tried using the magic lamp as a bong, shook several cans up and cracked them open like champagne, and offered a few to two female passers-by of the promiscuous persuasion. The genie promptly reminded James that he cannot make them have sex with him.

As the night ended Robertson suddenly redeemed his last two wishes for pizza and to not have to go to his classes on Friday. Before bidding adieu to his master, the genie regarded Robertson as the worst wisher ever. The conversation went something like this:

Genie: "I've been doing this for millennia and you honestly have used your wishes so -"
JR: "Enough, already! I've seen this speech in Good Will Hunting"
Genie: "What? I'm not Robin Williams, I'm a real genie"
JR: "Yeah, right. If you were a real genie you would've gotten me something better than pizza, beer, and tomorrow's notes."
Genie: "YOU WISHED FOR THOSE -"
JR: "Heck you couldn't even get me laid"
Genie: "You suck"
JR: "Go suck on some spinach Popeye!"
Genie: "I'm NOT Robin Williams!"
JR: "Whatever"

That's all for now. This is The Skillet reporting live from Orono, Maine