Boston Men No Longer Allowed to Use Bathrooms, Soon the World

BOSTON, Ma. - In the recent performances by Bean Town's beloved hockey team, men have taken to the bathrooms with increased urgency. This urgency has significantly decreased the accuracy of male bathroom goers.

Thus the City of Boston has placed a surprisingly uncontroversial, permanent ban on men's bathrooms.

"Men in general have very little use for bathrooms. And given recent sporting events and our history with public urination, we're at a tipping point where we're just saying 'F*** IT! No more bathrooms, guys!" says Mayor Tom Menino.

Cities around the country have considered such measures not only profoundly logical, but politically rewarding.

"With women's pay and overall rights still not quite up to what it should be, we figure giving them twice as many bathrooms is just a great PR move for society in general," says Barack Obama.

With the "Cradle of Liberty" soiled with the digestion of Beantown's excremental actions, the world looks on at its dirty water to see if such bowld movements ignite a golden shower of innovation for the world.

Yeah.