As the saying goes, it is easier to destroy than to build.Well now the new product is hopping out of Looney Tunes land and into the real world and hopes to grease the wheels on the Skepticism SUV. Haterade contains all the essential bitamins and sinerals to re-energize and refuel a person to continue expressing hatred when others have quit.
"This new beverage has really helped my performance," touts Jim Rome, a particularly hate-filled ESPN talk show host. "Sometimes I think about constructively criticizing athletes, but then I realize I was never a professional athlete and don't have any practical advice. That's when I need Haterade the most."
Haterade has been an instant success in the market, especially with all the political angst fermenting among the American public preceding the November election.
The release of the new product and its resemblance to regular Gatorade begs the question: "What is the difference between Gatorade and Haterade?" It turns out, the answer is polarity.
Gatorade is often served at cool temperatures and helps revitalize athletes and rave ecstasy enthusiasts. Haterade is served at the temperature you find a bottle of water after you have left it in your car during a hot day in the summer for 8 hours, smelling equally of dissolved plastic. It is mostly served to angry men and women to help them project their insecurities onto the world around them. Gatorade contains a mixture of sugar, salt, water, and high fructose corn syrup. Haterade contains the same things, with equal parts urine and vinegar to balance out the sweetness. The urine and vinegar really help bring out the bitterness within drinkers.
With the increase in distribution of Haterade, more people than ever have made snide comments about Kevin Federline, Nickelback, or Sandlot 2. This trend has led Facebook to standardizing a 'Dislike' button to keep up with demand.
Haterade has also been the catalyst for a new era of film and music critic opportunities opening up at newspapers and magazines referred to as the "Pessimism Press". News sources are realizing that the fun and camaraderie of hating has displaced all previous cares about current events and learning new things.
"People just want to hate," growls Anthony Lane of the New Yorker.The strike of Haterade lightning has electrified blogs and forums with news of how much Lebron James sucks despite being really good at what he does, and how Creed is the worst band of all time despite selling millions of records and winning a Grammy. No longer is it possible for people to simply enjoy what they enjoy. Now, whatever you enjoy most likely sucks.
Haterade can be found at any local grocery store by anyone hoping to ride the Disdain Train, the Dislike Bike, or the Hatred Hovercraft. Someday positivism may take over, but for now, somebody should cover Justin Bieber's ears.
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