Two Friends have Extremely Mediocre Night at College

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE - Thursday nights at colleges favor those brave, bold, and thirsty souls who venture out into the wild. Their quest is one of laughter, intercourse, and/or inebriation, not necessarily in that order. And last night two souls went out salivating for such treasures.

Jeff and Brad are your run of the mill college students. They are sophomores majoring in Business from white, middle class families in the same state. They enjoy Dave Matthews Band, Boondock Saints, and intramural basketball.

Jeff and Brad (Jefrad) started their night off by having a few friends from freshman year come over to their room. They played Kings and drank Bud Light from 8 o'clock until about 9:30 PM. The inability to say the first names of other participants left many of the less advanced Kings players to consume disproportionately more alcohol than others.

Afterwards they left to go to a party one Kings participant had heard about at an on-campus apartment. The disproportionately drunk population on board made their 1 mile walk more taxing than anticipated. Upon their 10:30 arrival at the party the duo checked the printer paper list for Beirut, only to discover it had been completely filled. They flipped the paper over and started a continuation on the other side.

While waiting for game time, Jefrad indulged in a game of @$$hole for about an hour. During this Brad introduced his name, class, and major to four separate people and one person twice. Jeff had involved himself in a discussion with a fellow classmate about how vague their English professor has been about writing assignments.

Thanks to the obliviousness of a few queued up teams, Jefrad were able to play Beirut earlier than expected. They beat the other team by two cups after a clever bounce by Brad and a well-played "Island" call by Jeff. Jefrad won the next game easily against two girls who were having a difficult time remembering the game was still going on.

Once the game was over Jefrad, the party began clearing out with the priority of making it to the local _HOP pizza place. Accomplishments from their travel included one of the girls puking in a bush and two guys getting into a brief, verbal altercation. Jefrad abstained due to their tunnel visioned focus on the cheesy goodness of pizza.

To cap off the night they watched a guy get arrested and a couple argue, as they sat and ate their 'za across the street. Jefrad consumed 7 beers each on the night, had a glass of water before bed, remembered to take out their contacts, brushed their teeth, and didn't set their alarms.

They awoke, went to breakfast, and unleashed their tale of extreme mediocrity on the rest of the campus. The story has gone viral in the most remarkable way, given the absence of excitement or highlights to attract anyone into hearing it.