Yelling "Run Forrest Run" at joggers now legal equivalent to Murder

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Since the 1994 release of Forrest Gump, runners and casual joggers alike have heard one trite calling from passing cars followed by uproarious laughter.

Motorists have used it for over a decade to satisfy their desire for poking fun at those who run.
Now punishable by lethal injection and instant vigilante justice, "Run Forrest Run!" is taking to the hills.

Given the physical fitness of Representatives and Senators who have signed the bill, the legal action was most likely spearheaded by a disgruntled group of old and angry lobbyist-runners who have some favors and miles to cash in on.

With many more important political matters up in the air right now, it has been perfect timing for what would normally be a pretty controversial decision by the 112th United States Congress. "Most people haven't even noticed. The fact that we are legally advocating for vigilante killings of anyone who yells a pretty harmless, albeit hackneyed, saying is borderline unethical," believes Michigan Senator Carl Levin.

"Yeah, sure it's odd. But so is the spelling of my last name," added Speaker of the House John Boehner.

"I agree," additionally added Idaho Senator Mike Crapo.

Majority Leader of the Senate, Harry Reid has endorsed the bill by explaining, "Hey, two weeks left, f*** it!" With such infallible rationale it was useless explaining to Reid that there are in fact 11 weeks left before the 112th Congress is adjourned.

Though no plausible justifications for the bill have been found, runners sure are happy to hear about the old taunt going to heaven with Mama. Congress, appearing to be running on empty and running wild, (lyrics to the Jackson Browne song that plays in the background while Forrest runs across the country during the movie - I just assumed people wouldn't get the reference) is merely proud to have enacted something with some real balls to it.