Washington, D.C. - Speaker of the House John Boehner has just released a Plan B, despite adamantly vowing to end all federal funding to Planned Parenthood.Boehner, known for being a bit of a penis when it comes to womens health issues, has previously led a campaign against Planned Parenthood, a major supplier of Plan B, and also known for throwing millions of babies out windows every year.
Plan B is a pill taken after sexual intercourse to prevent male seed from becoming a human plant, much like the commercial herbicide Round Up for sperm. Statistically, poor people have a tendency to not take Plan B in order to have as many abortions as possible. The primary reason being that Planned Parenthood has distributed all lower class persons punch cards, which are good for one free abortion after 10 visits.
Boehner's Plan B is much better, because his Plan B will allow wealthy people to have more money. Wealthy people have much more expensive, job-creating, capitalist abortions. From there, wealthy people will hand their leftover moneys to poor people on the street, instead of the filthy government.
The Speakers Plan B has already vowed to not throw any babies out windows. His version will help the economy avoid falling off a "fiscal cliff". The "fiscal cliff" is when there will be cuts in spending and increases in taxes, causing people to lose their jobs.
The term fiscal cliff is deceiving, because even if the federal government doesn't wrap it up in time, they may find themselves having to retroactively fix their Act, double zing.
In conclusion, John Boehner is pro Plan B, but against people who distribute Plan B. The Skillet feels this level of political flip-flopping needs to be addressed.
We, the people, in order to form a more perfect union, should throw condoms on his yard. That'll teach 'em.
Love,
The Skillet
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