Counting things is no longer cool

The Cool Brigade (somewhere in Iowa) - Counting things is great. It allows us to know approximately how many things we have or do not have, need to do or do not need to do, or other like practices.

But recently, the National Cool Brigade released its latest pronouncement of Cool Rulings or 'Coolings', which states that counting things is, in fact, no longer cool.

The age old practice of counting has come a long way in our history, but much like the atmosphere and fresh water, has been weathered by the exponential growth in reckless consumption of modern society.

21 Reasons Why Your Bathroom Should Have Teal in it, 43 Colors That Aren't as Good As Teal, and other such count-based articles have become more cluttering than non-recyclable plastics.

"Too many people have gotten into the counting game. Every article you see now has some sort of counting," says Sesame Street's The Count.

"Back in the good old days, you had Letterman doing his counting on The Late Show for adults, the Count doing his in the morning for kids, and me getting those in between, and those stoners staring at my cereal boxes," added Count Chocula.

The National Cool Brigade, known for having a lax schedule on issuing what is cool and what is not, has not made such a wide-scale pronouncement since 2005 when they told people to stop using Kazaa for downloading.

Twitter'ers and Tumblr'ers everywhere are on a quest to find new ways for expressing their ideas.

Drummer and record producer ?estlove is a fan of the revolution, "It's time to innovate. To simplify. You don't need 12 ways to make your man go crazy in the bedroom. You just gotta find one good one. And you're either with that or you're not."

Whether or not people get down with the sickness, and whether or not that's a relevant reference (it's not), the frequency of trendy 'x ways to do y' articles is sure to dwindle. Outlines, Flow Charts, and Bulleted Lists are inanimately chomping at the bit for a shot at the limelight.

But until a new method for writing articles emerges, I will be in my bathroom. Getting that thing teal as a moth*r f*ther.