A Thing that's not a Thing is becoming a big Thing: And Facebook Users are Invited to Suck It

THE BOOK OF FACES - People have a tendency to say things they regret. Some even go a step further and post them on the internet to be publicized forever. And with Facebook's Timeline feature, you can look up all the things people shouldn't have said publicly dating back to when their social media life was conceived.

In a recent internet debacle, Facebook has been subjected to a backlash of complaints regarding its Timeline feature. Facebook users are complaining that their old "private" messages are available for anyone to see and markedly embarrassing.

The best part is, this isn't a thing. "People are festering over a thing that's not a thing. If it was a thing, we could fix it and just say 'Sorry' ... but alas it is not. They are being haunted by the Posts of Christmas Past," says founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

"It's ridiculous!" says one disgruntled FB user. "Facebook has allowed all the private messages I posted on people's walls years ago to be seen by anyone and everyone that's a friend!"

Facebooked with a real imaginary problem, the social media powerhouse is developing its PR strategy to combat the issue. "We are cordially inviting all Facebook users who are angry about this problem to suck it," says Zuckerberg. "We feel this is the best solution. We can apologize all day and night about something that doesn't exist and people will still be angry. So we're just going to invite them to suck it ... cordially, of course."

Facebook has even gone a step further with this PR campaign and hired all the former members of the Worldwide Wrestling Federation's Degeneration X to appear in internet broadcasts and at all press conferences. X-Pac, The Road Dogg Jesse James, Triple X, Sean Michaels, and Chyna have all agreed to participate in the funnest public relations strategy of all time.

Degeneration X, also known as DX, is excited for the new employment opportunity. "You know the whole 'Band of Outlaws' gimmick of telling people to 'suck it' really lost its luster after the late 90's and early 2000's. Frankly it's just rude. But we're glad to be bringing DX back - and for such a good cause."

What's old will become new again this fall in the "Suck My Face Book" public relations tour that will questionably put an end to Facebook's anti-glitch uproar.